


For science!

by YunaSabakuno18



Series: Buzzfeed AU [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: ASL-Brothers, Buzzfeed AU, Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-07 19:38:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19856938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YunaSabakuno18/pseuds/YunaSabakuno18
Summary: The ASL-Brothers Test a Few Things... For Science! And Alcohol.





	For science!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovelies! Here's the next part of my new AU! I hope you like it!  
> Lots of Love xxx

**Video Title: ASL-Brothers Test The Legal Alcohol Limit**

**[The camera is pointed to a living room full with people. Four guys are standing in the middle of the room.]**

**Ace:** Welcome back to another episode of ASL-Brothers! Today we’re testing the legal Alcohol limit!

 **Sabo:** Today we’re joined by a lot of our friends and co-workers.

 **Luffy:** And Zoro is helping us!

 **Zoro:** I’m just here for the booze.

 **Sabo:** We’re going to take monitored drinks and will be performing a series of tests after. Test 1 Dancing!

 **Ace:** Test 2 Conversation!

 **Sabo:** Test 3 Field Sobriety!

 **Ace:** Once we finish one round of tests come back, take a drink together and keep going through the tests until one of us blows through the limit of 0,08 %.

 **Sabo:** Ok, how many drinks will it take us to blow through? Let’s take a guess before we start.

 **Ace:** I mean, I’m drinking pretty regularly. Like every other night. So I’m gonna go with… three drinks.

 **Sabo:** I drink a few glasses of wine on the weekend, maybe in the week… I don’t know, let’s go with two.

 **Luffy:** Hmmm… I’m pretty strong.

 **Zoro:** You’re a lightweight.

 **Luffy:** Shishishi, true. I’m still gonna go with two.

 **Ace:** What about you?

 **Zoro:** I drink pretty much all the time. So, I’d say five drinks.

**[First round: One shot of whiskey, one can of beer]**

**Zoro:** Now we’re talking!

 **Luffy:** The one who finishes last is a rotten egg!

 **Sabo:** Why are we doing this again?

 **Ace:** For science!

**[Test 1 Dancing]**

**Ace:** Here’s the problem with this test: Luffy can’t dance to save his life when sober; I don’t think we can use this to test how drunk he is.

 **Sabo:** I just hope he doesn’t injure anyone. I don’t think insurance would cover this.

**[Test 2 Conversation]**

**[The Conversation Corner is the stairs]**

**Luffy:** This is great! I love talking to people!

 **Sabo:** You’re doing better than Zoro. Aside from ‘Yo’ he hasn’t said anything yet.

 **Luffy:** That’s because Zoro doesn’t like to talk while he’s enjoying his drinks. And he doesn’t like small talk.

 **Ace:** Zoro! You need to at least try or else this test won’t yield any results.

 **Zoro:** This is my conversation, stop meddling!

 **Ace:** But you’re not even talking! Think about the science!

 **Zoro:** Fuck science.

 **Random girl:** Yeah!

 **Zoro:** See? Conversation.

**[Test 3 Field Sobriety]**

**Police Officer:** Close your eyes, and touch your nose with your finger.

 **Luffy:** But if I close my eyes I can’t see where my finger is going. What if I poke myself in the eye?

 **Sabo:** That’s kinda the point of this test Lu.

 **Luffy:** This is stupid.

 **Police Officer:** I’m gonna come to each one of you and I want you to follow my finger with your eyes.

 **Ace:** Just the finger?

 **Sabo:** I will call Marco, don’t think I won’t.

 **Police Officer:** Walk along this drawn line.

 **Sabo:** Zoro, do you think you can handle this?

 **Zoro:** Yeah why wouldn’t I?

 **Sabo:** Walking in a straight line or towards a set destination isn’t really your strong suit.

 **Zoro:** Ha fucking ha, fuck you too.

**[Test Scores after the first round]**

**Ace 0,019%**

**Sabo 0,017%**

**Luffy 0,03%**

**Zoro 0,006%**

**[Second round: One shot of tequila, sip on a cup of wine while mingling]**

**Sabo:** This was a terrible idea. Today is a Tuesday we have work tomorrow!

 **Ace:** That’s the great thing about this: We’re at work!

 **Zoro:** And now stop complaining and down that shot.

**[Test 1 Dancing]**

**Sabo:** I can’t believe my eyes, but I think Luffys dancing actually got better from this.

 **Ace:** I can’t say the same thing about you though.

 **Sabo:** Do not test me, I will throw this wine in your face.

 **Zoro:** No! Don’t waste the alcohol on that! *hands him a glass of water* Use this.

 **Ace:** It’s good to see that you have your priorities straight.

 **Luffy:** *jumps on Zoro back* What are you doing?! This is a party and you’re supposed to be DANCING!

**[Test 2 Conversation]**

**Luffy:** Hi, I’m Luffy!

 **Random Girl:** I know we met earlier.

 **Luffy:** We did?!

 **Ace:** Is that him being drunk or is that him being himself?

 **Sabo:** Who even knows.

**[Test 3 Field Sobriety]**

**Luffy:** *touches Zoro nose* Boop!

 **Zoro:** Damnit Luffy, stop distracting me.

 **Luffy:** But I’m supposed to touch the nose!

 **Sabo:** Your own nose!

 **Luffy:** *sticks out his tongue*

**Ace 0,049%**

**Sabo 0,039%**

**Luffy 0,095% ||** _Blew through the limit at **3-4 drinks**_

**Zoro 0,054%**

**[Third Round: One shot of vodka, one can of beer]**

**Luffy:** I hate this. I already failed the test, why do I need to do this?!

 **Ace:** Because we’re brothers!

 **Zoro:** I’m not your brother.

 **Sabo:** Ace, you’re not making any sense!

 **Ace:** Shut up and drink!

**[Test 1 Dancing]**

**Sabo:** I just wanna go home and go to sleep!

 **Luffy:** Stop whining and come dance with me Sabo!

 **Sabo:** Why are you still so awake?!

 **Luffy:** I just drank two cans of energy drink!

 **Sabo:** What?! Who did this to you?! Who did this to us?!

 **Luffy:** Not telling! Weeeeee!

 **Sabo:** Come back here you sugar-high little shit!

**[Test 2 Conversation]**

**Ace:** *shows a random girl pictures on his phone* Yeah, we’ve been together for three years now!

 **Random Girl:** Awww, that’s so cute!

 **Sabo:** Ace! Ace, have you seen Luffy?!

 **Ace:** No. No shoo, this is my conversation.

 **Sabo:** *sits down next to Ace* But I need your help to find Luffy before he-

 **Ace:** *shoves Sabo away by the face* No! Butt out!

 **Sabo:** *shoves back* Stop shoving me!

 **Ace:** No you stop!

 **Zoro:** Oi, Luffy just climbed on the roof to look at the stars. I need help getting him down.

 **Ace:** He what? Sabo! How could you let this happen?

 **Sabo:** I swear to god, I will murder you in your sleep.

**[Test 3 Field Sobriety]**

**Police Officer:** You’re supposed to walk down the line, not do the Macarena on it.

 **Luffy:** *ignores him and continues dancing*

 **Ace &Sabo:** *Shrug their shoulders and join in*

 **Zoro:** I’m surrounded by idiots.

**Ace 0,108% ||** _Blew through the limit at **5 drinks**_

 **Sabo 0,087% ||** _Blew through the limit at **5-6 drinks**_

 **Luffy 0,120% ||** _Blew through the limit at **3-4 drinks**_

 **Zoro 0,095% ||** _Blew through the limit at **5-6 drinks**_

**Sabo:** This is kinda scary. I don’t feel all that drunk.

 **Police Officer:** And even if you stop drinking now, your percentage will still continue to grow. It takes a time for the alcohol to be processed into your system. You could leave a party at 0,05% but be at 0,08% when you’re stopped by a cop.

 **Ace:** Let this be an important lesson to you all! Don’t drink and drive! Because not only is it dangerous and not worth it, it’s also… öhm…

 **Luffy:** Dumb!

 **Ace:** Yeah! It’s dumb, so don’t do it!

* * *

**Video Title: The ASL-Brothers Compare Fast Food While Drunk**

**[The camera is pointed to a table. Three guys are sitting there giggling to each other. All of them have several glasses in front of them.]**

**[Black background, white letters: Previously these guys got drunk. And it was a big hit. So they asked a responsible intern (Thanks Karen) to pick up a shit ton of fast food and decided to review them in an epic head-to-head battle]**

**Sabo:** Welcome back to another episode of ASL-Brothers! Today-

 **Luffy:** Fuck the intro thing I just wanna eat the burgers!

**[First Battle: Burger King VS McDonalds]**

**Ace:** The ultimate burger show down.

 **Sabo:** Don’t eat without me motherfuckers.

 **Luffy:** Makino would beat you if she heard you talking like that.

 **Sabo:** No she wouldn’t.

 **Ace:** She would tell Dadan and SHE would hit you.

 **Luffy:** Shishishi~ that’s true. Now let’s eat!

 **Ace:** When it comes to junk burgers, I’m a Burger King man, I don’t normally support a monarchy but I do in this case.

 **Luffy:** Do you think Ronald McDonald paints his whole body?

 **Sabo:** No, I’m pretty sure it’s just the face.

 **Luffy:** How do you know? Did you ever pants a clown to see what’s underneath?

 **Sabo:** That took a weird turn that I do not like. Let’s talk about something else.

 **Luffy:** Look at how beautiful this bun is, like it was just kissed by the heavens.

 **Sabo:** Better.

 **Ace:** I wanna kiss some buns too.

 **Sabo:** Get your mind out of the gutter, this is serious business!

 **Luffy:** Why this has bread in the middle, less bread more meat! Torao agrees with me.

 **Sabo:** That’s because Law can’t eat bread.

 **Luffy:** My point still stands. But Burger King is a burger king, not a fry lord and it shows.

 **Sabo:** I prefer the ones from McDonalds too.

 **Ace:** Ok, what’s your final verdict?

 **Luffy:** Burger King has the best meat, but McDonalds has better fries.

 **Sabo:** I think I prefer McDonalds.

 **Ace:** Like I said, Burger King all the way.

**[Second Battle: Popeyes VS KFC]**

**Luffy:** Everyone loves fried chicken.

 **Ace:** Oh my god it’s just so good.

 **Sabo:** It’s just grease; it’s like Olivia Newton John Travolta all over my fingers.

 **All three:** *crying because the fried chicken of both taste so good*

 **Ace:** The seasoning on KFC is making drunk Ace sing. Lalala~!

 **All three:** *everyone joins in the off-key singing*

 **Luffy:** Give me a bathtub full of these biscuits.

 **Sabo:** Everybody’s a winner.

 **Ace:** Well fuck me and call me an uncle’s donkey.

 **Luffy:** KFC! Lalala~!

 **Off-Camera voice:** McDonalds has the better jingle.

 **All three:** NO!

**[Third Battle: Pizza Hut VS Taco Bell]**

**Sabo:** The final battle between tacos and pizza!

 **Ace:** Both of them come in a box!

 **Luffy:** I can eat three whole pizzas drunk by myself. I have eaten three whole pizzas drunk by myself.

 **Ace:** Can confirm. I was there to see it.

 **Sabo:** And to eat one to two pizzas yourself.

 **Ace:** That too.

 **Luffy:** Where’s the sauce for the taco? Where is it?! This fight is over, you can’t beat pizza hut without sauce!

 **Sabo:** What is this? I never had a taco like this? What Frankenstein thing is this? It’s amazing!

 **Ace:** It tastes so good!

 **Sabo:** *angry yelling* I hate Taco Bell, and yet everything about this product is amazing!

 **Ace:** I appreciate Taco Bell for not shying away from their stoner roots.

 **Luffy:** Pizza! Pizza! Pizza! I want more P-I-Z-Z-A!

 **Sabo:** I can’t believe I’m saying this… Taco Bell.

 **Ace:** I can’t decide I love both.

**[The final winner]**

**Ace:** KFC, there I said it. It blew my brain apart, my dick is gone.

 **Sabo:** *whispering* I would eat Taco Bell drunk. I’m so ashamed of myself, I would not eat this sober.

 **Luffy:** Burger King, they have the best meat. But…

 **Ace:** What?

 **Luffy:** If you get drunk, you should do it with friends. And if you got enough friends, you can order all of this. Why choose just one when you can have all of it?

 **Sabo:** Wiser words have never been said. I’m so proud of you Luffy!

 **Ace:** Are you crying?

 **Sabo:** No!

* * *

**Video Title: The ASL-Brothers Compare Fast Food While Drunk – Vegan Edition**

**[The camera is pointed to a table. Three guys are sitting there giggling to each other. All of them have several glasses in front of them.]**

**[Black background, white letters: These guys are drunk.]**

**Ace:** We need a shot, because we’re drunk, but we can get more dunker!

 **Luffy:** *hits himself with the glass* Fuck!

 **Ace:** Shit, are you ok?!

 **Sabo:** Today we’re doing a fast food testing but only with food that vegan people can eat. And we’re doing it drunk, because why not!

 **Ace:** Just to be clear, we’re eating the vegan options on menus, but we’re not eating salads. Why Luffy?

 **Luffy:** Fuck salads!

 **Ace:** What he said

**[Black background, white letters: VERY drunk.]**

**[First Restaurant: Wendy’s]**

**[Food: Baked Potato]**

**Luffy:** Plain baked potato… with salt. Yaaaay…

 **Ace:** What a disappointment to you Luffy

 **Luffy:** Vegetables are a side! What’s the point if there’s no meat?!

 **Ace:** Why did you agree to this video then? We told you it would be vegan food only

 **Luffy:** I didn’t know that meant no meat!

 **Sabo:** This is a good potato. I actually seeked out baked potatoes at Wendys.

 **Ace:** Did you mean sought out?

 **Sabo:** I know what I said!

**[Second Restaurant: Chipotle]**

**[Food: Sofritas Burrito]**

**Ace:** I didn’t expect Chipotle.

 **Sabo:** Most of it is actually at least vegetarian. It's not completly vegan though, because the Tortillas are made with eggs, so...

 **Luffy:** It is?!

 **Sabo:** I think this burrito is better than any meat that they have. There, I said it!

 **Luffy &Ace:** Wooooaah.

 **Luffy:** *rummages through the bag* Where’s the guacamole? Why would you buy chips and not get any guacamole?! What is wrong with you people?!

 **Sabo:** Don’t scream at the interns, they’re not the ones to blame

 **Ace:** Wait is there guacamole inside the burrito? Ooohhhh, the day’s been saved!

 **Luffy:** This thing is huge.

 **Sabo:** Just shove it all into your mouth.

 **Ace:** That’s what he said!

 **Luffy:** *starts laughing and tries to high five Ace* *they fail*

 **Sabo:** This is just amazing.

 **Luffy:** Off the charts.

 **Sabo:** I need a drink, it’s so good.

 **Ace:** Yeah, can I get more whiskey? Please.

**[Third Restaurant: McDonalds]**

**[Food: Big Mac | Hash Brown | French Fries | Apple Pie]**

**Sabo:** McDonalds Hash Brown is the greatest fast food of all times.

 **Luffy:** Shut your mouth.

 **Ace:** No, no, no, I completely agree with you *tries to high five Sabo and fails*

 **Luffy:** This is a sin against humanity. How can you call this a Big Mac? It’s just bread and salad! It’s just an empty sandwich! It’s just wrong! Please tell me the ketchup is vegan. It is?

 **Sabo:** Do you really not know what the definition of vegan is?

 **Luffy:** No.

 **Ace:** I’m putting my hash brown as my patty, because fuck the system.

 **Sabo:** Good idea, let’s put some fries in it too.

 **Luffy:** Tadaa, potato burger!

 **Ace:** We’re true geniuses.

 **Luffy:** We solved the vegan mcdonalds mystery.

 **Sabo:** *ketchup falls out of the burger and on Sabos clothes*

 **Sabo:** Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! Look at this! All of my stuff is all over my BODY! Fucking fuck vegan food!

 **Luffy:** Guys… getting drunk… is not, not super fun…

 **Ace &Sabo:** *cracking up with laughter*

 **Luffy:** *reads the packaging* There’s no place where two 100% beef patties would rather be.

 **Sabo:** Maybe they’d rather be alive.

 **Ace:** Bro.

 **Luffy:** Apple Pie is vegan?! Whaaaaaat?!

**[Fourth Restaurant: Dominos]**

**[Food: Thin Crust Veggie Pizza. No Cheese]**

**Luffy:** *screeching* WHAT IS THIS?

 **Ace:** Why did they make the crust so thin? What’s the point?

 **Luffy:** Probably the thick crust has delicious meat juice in it.

 **Sabo:** I bet even Dominos know what this is like. They’ll be like we’re a little disappointed that you’ve ordered this, but we’ll make it.

 **Ace:** We’ll do it, but we’re not gonna be happy about it.

 **Luffy:** It’s not real pizza without cheese…

**[Fifth Restaurant: Taco Bell]**

**[Food: Seven Layer Burrito (No Cheese or Meat)]**

**Ace:** Now that I’m really thinking about it, burritos are a great vegan food.

 **Luffy:** It feels like the skin on like a dogs belly.

 **Sabo:** But without the hair. And without the life inside.

 **Ace:** Could you not? I’m trying to enjoy my vegan experience over here.

 **Luffy:** *holds burrito up to Ace’ face* Pet the hairless, dead dog belly Ace.

 **Sabo:** Do it.

 **Ace:** Sometimes you two disturb me.

 **Sabo:** I’m gonna fart up a storm later.

 **Ace:** Case in point.

 **Sabo:** This is better than most things at Taco Bell.

 **Luffy:** I don’t know what’s vegan about this, it’s just everything but without the meat.

 **Ace:** Yeah, that’s what vegan means.

 **Sabo:** And no cheese.

 **Ace:** Cheese is not that good.

 **Sabo:** You step the fuck back. I swear to god I will throw down.

 **Luffy:** Fight! Fight! Fight!

*off-screen voice*: Please don’t.

 **Ace:** You know what this made me realize? All fast food kinda tastes the same.

 **Sabo:** Yeah, but low-quality meat is worse than low-quality vegetables.

 **Luffy:** I learned that everybody hates vegans, but they shouldn’t. Vegans have it hard enough; they can’t eat any of the fun stuff. So don’t be mean to vegans.


End file.
